By LeeAnn Bernier-Clarke MEd, NCC, NCCC

There she was! The most perfect human being I'd ever seen. As I looked up at my beaming husband, I was struck by the resemblance -- one a tiny clone of the other. Two of a kind; big and little. But wait! Her eyes -- the clearest blue. There was a little something of me in her after all.

Then we caught sight of her long, beautifully tapered fingers flowing from delicate, dimpled little hands. In the same moment we blurted out, "A pianist!" We reveled in the fantasy of a lovely, dark-haired girl filling our home with beautiful music, while she frantically sucked on her newly discovered thumb.

What parent doesn't fondly recall that first mystical moment when we gazed upon our very own newborn child? Only a parent could see so much potential wrapped up in such a small package.

"With shoulders like that he's bound to be a linebacker!"

"Just listen to her! With lungs like hers, she'll be singing at the Met by the time she's 12!"

Scroll ahead 15 or 16 years. It's a little more difficult to see a future Nobel Laureate or Bill Gates as we gaze after a trail of sweaters, backpacks, one Nike then the other, leading to the refrigerator. All this followed by food wrappers, a sock and some crumbs, culminating at a scruffy teenager lying on the couch gazing blankly at MTV.

We never would have dreamed that those long, tapered fingers would come crashing down on the strings of a well-amplified electric guitar. And that they'd do that while a guy named Henry hammers on the drums in our garage with a skinny, spiky haired, pierced-lipped girl following his beat on the bass, while yet another howls impassioned lyrics. At 2 a.m.

Through the Looking Glass

Career exploration begins with a journey of self-discovery. Through interaction with others, we begin to learn about ourselves: what motivates us, what we have to offer and where we fit in best.

By the time we reach the middle grades (three to five), we begin to get a sense of who we are. We develop individual interests -- things in which we gladly invest our time and enjoy doing. For one child it may be baseball; for another, playing the piano. For another still, it may be nature study.

From trial and error we learn what it is we do well -- or perhaps more importantly, what it is we willingly devote our time and effort (and often our parents' considerable resources) to while developing these natural aptitudes into skills or abilities.

We begin to get a sense of what is important to us, what we value and for what we are willing to take risks to uphold. If we are lucky, we start to understand what motivates us and what shuts us down. By the time we reach our teen years, we have begun to seek ways of expressing our uniqueness: what makes us different and special.

As parents, we are the first to hold the mirror into which our children gaze to see who they are and how they fit into the greater scheme of things. If a parent reflects joy, pride and interest, the child will likely develop a healthy sense of self and self-esteem. If we reflect sorrow, disappointment or anger, the child is more likely to either develop low self-esteem or find someone else to hold the mirror. This is especially true in the teen years when the natural need to individuate greatly exceeds the desire to please Mom and Dad.

It is important that we continue to verbally identify the skills, interests and values we see in our teens and give them a context:

"Whitney, you are doing so well in math. Keep it up and you could become a great accountant or engineer. Let's get on the Internet and see what else math wizards can do."

"Zack, I'm so proud of the caring way you look after you brother. You're so good with little kids, that I bet you could become a great teacher or pediatrician."

"Aubree, you have such long fingers and seem to really enjoy music. How would you like to take piano lessons?"

Passing the Mirror

Career exploration is all about expanding our awareness of who we are and what we want to become, and relating this to our role first in the family, then school, next to the community and finally in the workplace. So, the mirror is passed from parent, to relative, to sibling, to friend, to teacher, to classmate, to the media, to employer, to coworker, to subordinate.

In the teen years, other mirror holders seem to cast a more influential reflection than parents. However, parents remain a prominent career exploration resource to their kids, as they need both our financial and moral support to make their college and career dreams come true.

To maintain this position of influence through the teen years, we need to:

• Show unbiased interest in what they show and tell us about what is important to them.
• Refrain from assuming that they can't earn a living doing what they love to do.
• Encourage what excites them, even if it doesn't appear practical or of interest to us.
• Become informed consumers of labor market trend and educational opportunity information.
• Learn all you can about career fields that involve or support your teen's interests.
• Channel their interests to productive activities.
• Remain engaged, even if they don't appear to appreciate your input.
• Seize every opportunity to collaborate with your teen about college and career options.

Remember, nothing extinguishes the flames of motivation as quickly as the vacuum created by constant discouragement. We as parents can keep the fires of enthusiasm burning in our teens by fueling them with positive feedback and reliable information.

One of the greatest challenges of parenthood is to remain as accepting of what our teens bring to us now as we were when they first entered our lives.

Expanding Awareness

If your son or daughter seems discouraged about future prospects and doesn't have a sense of what she or he does well, or can't seem to relate personally to career information, career assessment can help. Career counselors, school districts, college career centers and even some Internet sites offer services which help teens relate their personality to compatible career fields.

Last week we explored labor market information sources to familiarize our kids with career opportunities. Parents can also create opportunities to learn about the world of work, and how it relates to what your teens know about themselves, by locating people who do the work your daughter or son might enjoy.

Information interviews, job shadowing, summer internship, service learning (volunteering for experience), and mentor opportunities all provide students with firsthand information about career fields. Events like Ms. Magazine Foundation's Take Our Daughters to Work Day in April and school-sponsored career fairs can also provide this type of interaction.

Creating opportunities to learn about the world of work and how it relates to your teen can launch him or her on a journey of self-discovery that lasts a lifetime. You're never too young nor too old to discover new interests, develop new skills or find new meaning in life.

Now the question is: can a 40-something mom with short fingers learn to play the piano?

Click here for related activity